Episode 2 - What Little Girls are Made of (the Spice edition) Artwork

Professional Weirdo Podcast

Where I research strange stories and tell them to you. Because, let’s face it, I’m gonna research this anyway and blurt it to someone, might as well be a willing audience. Some of these stories might get dark, morbid, murdery…. so listener discretion is advised.

All Episodes

Professional Weirdo Podcast

Episode 2 - What Little Girls are Made of (the Spice edition)

March 22, 2025 • Anonymous Narrator • Season 1 • Episode 2

As the saying goes, it’s sugar and spice, and all things nice. That’s what little girls are made of. In digging around for these stories, I found a few examples of the sugar. Enough in fact, that I’m planning to do another episode down the road on that. But today’s episode is all about those little girls who were cooking with spice.

Music recommendation for this episode:

Will & Worry by Land Lines
Night Witches by True Widow
Febersvan by GAUPA

To find these and more recommended songs for this podcast, check out the Spotify Professional Weird playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5jIkaamOZlCwtd2peUk9lF?si=0238d524a374492d

Sources for this episode:

Sound mixing performed by Brother Jay from The Rule of Scary podcast - check that out if you’re a horror movie fan! And hey! Thank you for listening to my stories. Keep it weird out there.

To find song recommendations for this podcast, check out the Spotify Professional Weird playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5jIkaamOZlCwtd2peUk9lF?si=0238d524a374492d

Email me at professionalweirdopodcast@gmail.com

Hello! Back for episode 2! As I told people about the first episode, I was asked - why the name Professional Weirdo? Am I telling stories about weird things that happened at work? Well, I could definitely tell some of those. Like at an old job when Ted sent out a company wide email saying he’d ripped his pants and was going home for the rest of the day. Or at another job when I went out to the warehouse and found a squished paintball and then found more, eventually realizing someone was having paintball fights out there. Probably the night shift crew, and who could blame them? But no, I guess I picked the name for my podcast thinking I would share this weirdness with people, but not in a bad-weird way. Not in a TMI “I didn’t ever need to know that” kind of way. Or in that way that happens with true crime sometimes, where real people’s stories are tipped a little too far into being exploitative entertainment. Hearing that stuff can be hard on an empathetic heart. So, nah, not that kind of weird. We’re gonna keep it professional.

This is episode 2 - What Little Girls Are Made Of

Welcome weirdos, to the Professional Weirdo podcast, where I research strange stories and tell them to you. Because, let’s face it, I’m gonna research this anyway and blurt it to someone, might as well be a willing audience. Some of these stories might get dark, morbid, murdery…. so listener discretion is advised.

We’re starting way back - 6th century BCE, so not a lot of historical documents to back all this up, but as the tale goes…. Tom-a-ris was married to the King of the Massagetae Moss-OG-eh-tie tribe. When he died, she became the queen of the tribe. And that was the catalyst for Cyrus, who was leading the Persian ah-KEE-muh-nid Achaemenid Empire, to start some beef with Tomyris. He wanted her kingdom, so he offered to marry her. She declined the offer. His response was to try and take her kingdom by force. When he started building a bridge over the ah-RAK-seez Araxes river to gain access to her territory, she warned him. She told him to be satisfied ruling his own kingdom and to stay out of hers. But he tried to move in anyway and was pushed back by her army. Now, something to know about the Massagetae tribe - they were nomads. They weren’t accustomed to wine, but instead used cannibis and fermented mare’s milk to party. Cyrus used this to his advantage by leaving behind some tents with a banquet and loads of wine, where an army of the Massagetae, led by Tomyris’ son, fell into the trap, becoming too intoxicated by the wine to fight and were promptly defeated when ambushed by Cyrus’ army. Tomyris’ son was released, but killed himself out of shame. Tomyris’ reaction was to send word to Cyrus telling him to abandon his own land or she would give him more blood than he could drink. He didn’t leave and war ensued. There are a few differing accounts of the battle that took place, but the version I enjoy tells of Tomyris leading the Massagetae army herself as they defeated Cyrus’ army, killing him in the process. This version also tells that Tomyris removed the head from his corpse, putting it into a bag of blood and telling him to drink his fill. 4/5 rolling pins. Tomyris is serving spicy bloodies and she’s putting extra salt along the rim.

It’s hard to know for sure who Giulia Tofana was, and what exactly she was up to in southern Italy in the 1640s. When there are stories about her in historical records, they seem to conflict. It’s thought some of the information attributed to Giulia actually belonged to other women in that time and area. But we are talking about her now, centuries after her death, because she’s famous for being a professional poisoner.

At this time in Italy only wealthy men were allowed to divorce. Woman were considered property in a family - first to their father, then to their husband, which created arranged marriages, with the bride as the bargaining chip. If you were one of these women and found yourself in a marriage that was abusive, or inconvenient, there was no option for you to alter your fate. Enter Giulia Tofana. During the Italian Renaissance, a time with alchemists and apothecaries, Giulia’s product called Aqua Tofana blended right in. Sold and packaged in vials displaying a drawing of St. Nicholas, Aqua Tofana was considered a cosmetic, but also sometimes, a religious souvenir as there were claims that it contained ingredients made from St. Nicholas’s bones. That was unlikely to be true, but what it certainly did contain was arsenic. And sometimes lead. And maybe also Belladonna. It wouldn’t be the only time in history that cosmetics were deadly - ever hear of Arsenic Complexion wafers? Just a little something Victorian women nibbled on to help their complexion. Don’t worry - it said SAFE on the box and was marketed as completely healthy. But in this case, Aqua Tofana was meant to be deadly. Troubled wives could purchase it, take it home, and put it into their husbands’ food or drink. It was hard to detect and its effects would appear as disease or other natural causes. It’s difficult to say if Aqua Tofana was effective as a blemish cream, but it was an excellent tool for murder. It’s claimed to have resulted in up to 600 deaths.

Here’s where things get murky in the records. Some claim Giulia Tofana was a hero - saving women from horrible, abusive fates. Others say she was not just a serial killer, but one that was enabling others to do the killing and profiting from it all. Some records say that she died peacefully in Rome in 1651 with no one aware of her lethal side gig. Other records claim she was executed for being the head of a poisoning ring - leading a team that enlisted fortune tellers, apothecaries and even a priest. There ARE documented executions for two women accused of poisoning around this time but her name isn’t among them. One was gee-ROH-lama Girolama Spara, put to death in 1659, who in some stories was said to have been Giulia’s daughter who took over leading the ring from Giulia. Another woman, executed before all of this in 1633, was Toe-FAE-nee-uh DEE-odd-ah-mo Thofania d’Adamo. Note her first name is similar to Giulia’s last name. It was a common practice of woman at this time to take their mother’s first names as their own last names, leading to a claim that Thofania was the mother of Giulia Tofana and it was Thofania’s recipe for Aqua Tofana that Giulia was using.

While the details of the origin of Aqua Tofana aren’t clear, it certainly made its mark going forward. Remember all of this was happening from around 1633 to the late 1650s. But later in 1791 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart wrote a letter describing an illness that was overpowering him, and would ultimately lead to his death. In the letter he writes, “I am sure I have been poisoned. I cannot rid myself of this idea. Someone has given me Aqua Tofana and calculated the precise time of my death.” I give this one 3/5 rolling pins, because I don’t trust whatever spices Giulia is using.

Julie d’Aubigny joo-LEE-doh-bin-yee didn’t murder anyone (that’s recorded at least) but she led a WILD life. Born in 1673, her upbringing included education in subjects typically only taught to boys, including fencing. When she was 14, things got pretty cringing, as they did in royal courts, with her marriage being arranged, but also a couple of grown ass men taking her as their mistress. One of these guys was an assistant fencing master, and she ran away with him when he was accused of killing a man in a duel. Their life on the road was supported by performance - either through singing or fencing demonstrations. While on the run, Julie began wearing men’s clothing, although it’s said she was not trying to disguise herself as a man. Makes sense. I imagine that life on the run is easier in pants and sensible shoes. And it turned out that she was just as accomplished at opera singing as fencing and she stopped running and joined an opera house.

Julie was also in a new relationship, this time with a young woman. This young woman’s parents responded by sending their daughter to a convent, but Julie was not to be deterred. She also joined the convent as a postulant. She had a plan to fake her girlfriend’s death so they could both run away together. And here goes - listen to this plan. 1) steal the body of a dead nun - check. 2) put the body in your girlfriend’s bed - check. 3) Set the convent on fire. Whoa boy. - Check. 4) run away - check. It worked, kinda. They made it out and away for a few months until her girlfriend returned to her family. And, turns out the body didn’t fool people and charges had been brought against Julie in absentia for kidnapping, body snatching, and arson. She was sentenced as a male, to death by burning. Well I think we know Julie well enough by now - she wasn’t having that. She ran for Paris, singing along the way. There was a snag at one inn where she got into a fencing duel with a young man and wounded him, winning the duel. But then she was the one who nursed his wounds and eventually they became lifelong friends. The rest of her life was full of success as an opera singer, joining the Paris Opera where she was a very popular and accomplished performer. And she continued to dress in men’s and women’s clothing, sword-fighting, and once notoriously beat another male singer for insulting the women at the opera. After the death of a lover, she retired and went to… a convent. Where she died at the age of - are you ready for this? Only 33! I’m giving Julie’s story 4/5 rolling pins.

Franceska Mann was 26 when she was killed. That’s not a lot of time to make a notable, powerful, life. But sometimes in the face of horrible circumstances, a person does what they can. And I’m going to call out an extra trigger warning here. This is Poland 1943. It’s not easy history to know, but it’s important that we know it. And without telling you the hard parts, you wouldn’t understand the magnitude of the actions taken by Franceska. And that’s the story of human spirit I want share.

Franceska was born in Warsaw, Poland in February of 1917. She studied ballet and was on track to be successful in that career, having placed 4th during an international dance competition in 1939. Franceska was also Jewish. She became a prisoner in the Warsaw Ghetto, working at a nightclub called the Melody Palace. In October of 1943, she, among 1800 other Jews, had been tricked by the local Gestapo who told them that with the passports they carried, and in some cases paid great costs to the Gestapo to acquire, would guarantee them transport to Switzerland as so-called “Exchange Jews” and, once in Switzerland, they would be swapped for German prisoners of war. Instead, the train took them to Auschwitz. Still upholding the lie, the Nazis explained they would need to remove clothing to be disinfected before crossing the border. At this time, the Jewish men and women were separated. Franceska, along with the other women, were led not to bathing facilities, but to Crematorium II. Most of the story from here was reported by Filip Muller who was a Jewish death camp prisoner, but in a group designated by the Nazis to work in the death camps. Fliip described that a few of the woman had undressed and been ushered into the gas chamber, but others were still in the changing room, perhaps understanding the true situation. Irritated by the delay, several SS officers began to yell, eventually getting sticks to display as a threat. When the crowd continued to stand, unmoving, they turned their holsters to the front and opened the flaps, increasing the display of their power. When these threats didn’t succeed, they began striking the women in the crowd with the sticks. Some of them began to undress, understanding that escape was futile. Filip wonders why the SS officers didn’t step out of the area at that time, but describes how they remained near the crowd with self-important swagger. It was at this time that Franceska stepped forward. Catching the notice of the SS officers, she began by removing a shoe. She proceeded to slowly remove her stockings while holding their attention, and as she got to her other shoe, lightening fast she slammed the heel of it into the forehead of one of the officers and took his pistol from its holster. Just as quickly, she shot another SS officer who fell. The room filled with chaos as other women began fighting back. Francheska fired again, missing, and stepped back into the crowd. As other officers came and retrieved the injured SS officer, she was able to shoot one of them, and he scrambled for the exit. They closed the door and turned out the lights, leaving Filip and the other prison workers behind in the changing room as well. After some time the door was opened and Filip and his group were ordered out. Machine guns were used to kill the women in the changing room, including Francheka. And for the ones who had undressed and entered the gas chamber, perhaps truly believing it was to be disinfected before being transported to Switzerland, they were killed by gas as originally intended. As for the SS officers that Francheska had shot - one suffered from a permanent limp for the remainder of his life and the other died a few hours after being shot. No joke while rating this one, but 5/5 rolling pins.

Elsewhere in World War 2… German soldiers were being terrified at night by a sound that was described as the whooshing of a witch’s broom in the sky. They were accustomed to the sound of approaching plane engines warning them that bombs were about to be dropped. But this whooshing sound also foretold of impending bombs. You see, this regiment of planes would fly in at night, and then the pilots would idle the engines near the target and glide in, with the wind whooshing off the struts, until they were over the target and released the bombs. The German soldiers began calling this group of deadly planes “the Night Witches.” Whether they knew it or not, these guys were following the age-old tradition of calling daring women “witches.” Because despite the Red Army officially banning woman from serving in the Air Force, this was the 588th Night Bomber Regiment of all-female aviators, navigators, ground crew and support staff. It was organized by a woman referred to as “Russia’s Amelia Earhart” as she had set several world records in long-distance flights. Her name was Major Marina Raskova. Soviet leader Joseph Stalin happened to be a big fan of hers and she appealed to him to let women join in the aviation efforts. He approved three women’s regiments - the 586th, 587th, and the 588th. About 400 women were accepted for each regiment, despite thousands of women enlisting. The volunteers were in their late teens and early 20’s and had to quickly complete rigorous training to learn everything needed to support and fly the planes.

Being unprepared for women to enter this space, the women wore men’s uniforms, often having to synch them up. And many stuffed the ends of oversized boots with cloth to help them fit. They flew biplanes typically used for training and crop dusting and were assigned for precision bombing and (I love this) “night harassment missions.” The older planes had some advantages. Because they were so slow, their fastest speed - 90 miles per hour - was still slower than the stalling speed of the two plane types popular in the German army, so they were hard to shoot down. The older, slower biplanes were also easier to maneuver, making them ideal for the precision bombing and ha ha night harassment missions. But they were limited in how much weight they could carry, so they often were making up to 8 or more bombing missions per plane each night. And because the weight of the bombs required them to fly so low, and they were so slow, they were only allowed to fly at night when they would be more difficult to spot in the sky. And because they couldn’t afford to add more weight, and flew so low to the ground anyway, they didn’t carry parachutes.

For a mission the plane would have a pilot and a navigator who also served as the bombardier. It was an open cockpit so they were exposed to the wind and weather. These planes were steel and canvas, but due to some parts being made of plywood, the planes were sometimes called “a coffin with wings.” But being made of so much wood, they often were harder to spot on radar. The navigator relied on maps, flashlights, compasses, and stopwatches. As the Germans caught on to this regiment, they started making a circle of searchlights around what they felt were likely targets. Ready with flack guns, they would wait for the Night Witches. But the Night Witches developed a strategy. Three planes would approach, with two planes being decoys and flying over the circle, drawing the search lights. The third would approach the target, the pilot stalling her engine and glide undetected. The navigator would release the bombs, then tap the pilot on the shoulder indicating she could restart the engine. The three planes would take turns with this approach until all bombs were deployed. Then they would return to refuel, rearm, and head back in.

The 588th’s missions were flown from June 1942 until it was disbanded in October 1945 at the end of the war. During that time they dropped over 3000 tons of bombs and 26,000 incendiary shells. The unit flew a little over 23,000 combat sorties, with some pilots having flown over 800 missions. They logged over 28,000 flight hours and damaged or destroyed 17 river crossings, 9 railways, 2 railway stations, 26 warehouses, 12 fuel depots, 176 armored cars, 86 prepared firing positions, 11 searchlights, and they made 155 supply drops of food and ammunition to their forces.

Incredibly, only 32 Night Witches died in service, through plane crashes, combat deaths, or tuberculosis. This included Marina Raskova, who had lobbied Stalin to allow the women regiments. She was killed when her plane was attempting a forced landing. Hers was the first state funeral of the war.

22 Night Witches won their country’s highest honor. But sadly, the Night Witches weren’t able to fly as part of the Moscow victory parade - their planes were too slow. I’m giving this one 5/5 rolling pins, which the Night Witches probably would have dropped from the sky as a form of harassment.

It’s thought that Olga was born between 890 and 925 AD. Her story really kicks in when a neighboring tribe, the DRAY-vlee-uhns Drevlians, killed her husband Igor. Her son was still too young to take her husband’s place in ruling over the KEE-vuhn- rus Kievan Rus’ so she would be the one to sit in as regent. After the Drevlians killed her husband they sent 20 negotiators to her to report they had murdered her husband, and propose that she marry Prince Mal, the man who murdered her husband, or course so they could then gain control over the Kievan Rus’ from her and her son. I’m paraphrasing her response here. She basically said, “Cool. Cool. Sure, I mean, my husband is dead, right, so let’s talk about it tomorrow. For now, go back to your boat and when I send for you, just be arrogant about it and tell them you don’t want to come here on foot or horseback, but instead insist to be carried in your boat.” See, being carried in a boat was a great honor, so they were into this and agreed. And the next day they did as she suggested and it worked, her people picked up the boat and carried them right in a giant trench Olga had commanded to be dug overnight. Then she stood and watched as they were buried alive in the trench, asking if they found the honor to their taste. But wait - there’s more! She sent a message back, not reporting what had happened to the 20 negotiators, but instead continuing to play along, telling the Drevlians to send their honored men to her so they could accompany her to the Prince. They gathered all their best men and sent them to her. Upon their arrival, her people greeted them, saying they had prepared a bath, so the men could ready themselves before meeting Olga. They agreed, and then were locked into the bathhouse, which Olga commanded to be set on fire, killing them all. But she’s not done yet. I’m paraphrasing again, but Olga sent a message back saying, “Yep - still on my way! But before I marry the prince, I’d like to stop in the city where you killed my husband so I can weep and hold a funeral feast. I’d like there to be a lot of mead.” And there was. The Drevlians joined the funeral and apparently turned it into more of a party, getting so drunk they didn’t see it coming when she ordered her followers to massacre them. Then she went back home to get her army ready for all out war. She & her army won the initial battle and followed survivors back into their cities. For a year her army laid siege to the city where her husband was murdered and Olga had another plan. She sent in a message saying that all the other cities had surrendered and paid tribute. And in exchange, she had released them. She said all those inhabitants were in their fields and living in peace. But if this city continued to hold out, they would be starved out. They offered a tribute, and she requested 3 pigeons and 3 sparrows from each house. They happily obliged. Just going to let you know, innocent birds are about to pay a price for Olga’s vengeance. Once she received the birds, she had a piece of sulfur with small pieces of cloth bound to each bird. Once night fell, they set the pieces of cloth on fire and released the birds, who then quickly returned to their nests within the city, or, at least, fell in flames throughout the city. Sorry birds. It was effective. The entire city burned. And… that settled it. No, actually, Olga’s thirst for vengeance was quenched. During the rest of her rule she set up laws, trading posts, hunting reserves, and towns. And never set a city on fire with birds, ever again. The end. 5 out of 5 rolling pins. This woman cooked. Literally. With birds.

And that’s it for the second episode. How we doing? Everybody okay? I hope you found today’s stories interesting. That was a darker one - sometimes we’ll be talking about Garfield phones, sometimes we’ll be talking about Nazis. If you’d like to support this podcast, rate and subscribe and tell your friends. You can also follow me on Instagram under “professionalweirdopodcast”. And you can email me at professionalweirdopodcast@gmail.com

Oh hey! There’s a Professional Weirdo podcast music playlist on Spotify. Listen, I was around when the mixed tape magic was born, so I nerded out making this so much. For each episode that I’ve done, or that I’m planning to do for this podcast I’ve thrown in 2-3 songs that feel like a good match to the theme. Today’s songs are Will & Worry by Land Lines, Night Witches by True Widow, and Febersvan by GOW-pah GAUPA - I’ll list these, along with the link to the playlist, in the show notes.

That’s a wrap! Sources used for this episode can be found in episode notes. Sound mixing performed by Brother Jay from The Rule of Scary podcast - check that out if you’re a horror movie fan! And hey! - thank you for listening to my stories. Keep it weird out there.